Is 50 old?

When you reach your 50’s Dave you will find………dam, forgot what I was going to say…….!

Dave there is a saying that you are as old as you feel and another that says life is what you make it. The first one is very true and one you are fully in control of, you can keep your mind as young as you can or you can just let yourself turn into an old man.

I don’t think its as simple as breaking life down into decades, what happened to you in your 30’s will happen to others in their 40’s and even their 50’s or 60’s, but its how you cope and deal with what happens to you, how you move on and how you do your best to let go of the things that deeply hurt you and not let them prevent you from being able to start again and find the things you really want in your life.

At 55 years old I feel I have a very kid like mind and it’s in my mind that I don’t feel that I’m old, it’s just my body these days that wants to disagree with that, I like others my age have to accept there are things I can no longer do that I once did.

So is life what you make it? Are you really the master of your own destiny? Well yes and no really as while you may strive to make the life you want others who at any given time are a part of your life, can so easily destroy and ruin your dreams and hopes.

I’m a real peoples person, I know I need to have them in my life, but I’ll tell you what, all the major problems and heart breaking events that have forced me to keep changing direction, have been caused not by me, but those other people I have always felt I needed.

You can ask some young people what they want to be when they grow up, what they want to do to earning their living and while some will come up with answers, others will simply tell you they don’t know. The question must be is it important to set yourself directions, have hopes and make plans for what you want your life to be and get out of it want you want.

I think it is to a degree as what is the point of just having nothing to aim for or anything to hope for and I know that when I was young, due to my terrible childhood, I knew all the things I needed so desperately in my life and I mapped out in my head the life I wanted to make for myself.

I had no ambitions to be a brain surgeon, I never wanted to be rich and live in some big fine house, NO, all I was looking for was to have my own proper family and one I could make perfect and live happy ever after in and that for me would have been all the riches I ever wanted in my life.

The most important thing in my mind at 20 years old and married, was that my children would not have the childhood I did, they would not have the suffering and heartache that I had and that to me then was the biggest aim I had in life. We would all be the perfect family and so close and loving as that is what I had to give and I felt the real inner strength that I was forced to develop as a child, would always win any battles along the way and keep my hopes and dreams alive and well.

Well did I succeed? NO and that is where this “life is what you make it” falls down and it does because you make the wrong choices, you picked the wrong person or person’s to make you dreams and hopes come true. I know why I did that at the time, it was simply a case of wanting and needing so much in my life the family I had always wanted, that I rushed into it and did not learn all I should have learned about the person who was now going to play such a big part over the next 16 years of my life and the one person who could make my dreams come true or destroy them.

Its true that as you get older you learn to get wiser and one big lesson I have learned is if you plan to spend your life with someone, you need to make sure they want all the same things you do and share your dreams, because if not, then there is every chance it will all end in tears.

But even at the time when a break-up comes and you know it has to happen, you still have hopes and dreams of how it will be after and how you can make the best of it and still have some of the things you want and need in your life. But once again that other person can still play such a big part in making sure your hopes do not materialize and you can’t have even the simple things that really you should be entitled too and should be a right by virtue of the fact that you fathered the children, loved them so much and never wanted them not to be a big part of your life still.

But that is another lesson you have to learn that you can’t always have what you want and sometimes you have to have what may be classed as only second best but it could turn out to just what you have always wanted and it is 100% genuine and the love is real and that is what is really important and what you can hold on too.

At 55 years old I have now had to resign myself to the fact I can do nothing to have my own three children in each others lives as I have always wanted, I have been lucky as my son has always stood by my side and he alone has been the reason I have always found the way to beat those dark days when I even questioned if I felt life was worth living anymore.

To much damage was done at the time of the break-up and I know now it’s unlikely he will ever be friends with his sister who is just 13 months younger than him, but then I will still carry the hope that before I die they will find a way as it has always broken my heart to see my children at war, even more so when you think of what I wanted for my children.

She her self drifts in and out of my life and allows herself to get pulled in and away from me whenever her mother wants to pull the strings and as a result I end up not being a part of my three grandchildren’s life as is the case right now, but I don’t dwell on it too much as another lesson I have learned is to make the best of what you have got and I’ll come to that in a second or two.

The baby of my family was taken to Wales to live without my knowledge or consent at just 8 years old and she make contact with me just over two years ago now and Carol and I went and spent the day with her and her husband at Bristol zoo. A perfect day I will cherish forever and no one can ever take away from me, only once the other person found out she had met me, she soon made sure it would never happen again.

I learned a few weeks ago that my baby now has a baby of her own, only the person who told me was told not to tell me, but the person felt I had a right to know and yes a part of me feels very sad of the whole sorry state of affairs, but there is nothing I can do about it and can only hope time will be on my side and that Lucinda remembers for herself the love and happy times she had with me before she was taken away in the way she was.

But life has its compensations and you learn to get what you still want out of it and I’m so lucky in so many ways and do have now the perfect family, even if its not completely mine in terms of bloodlines etc. I have the perfect partner in Carol, a lady who all her life just wanted the perfect family life and so we were made for each other and if I had just once wish in life, it would be that she was the mother of my children.

I think that’s why the news of her cancer hit me so hard, I felt back then that life was so unfair as for the first time in my life I had found all that I had been looking for and I was in so much danger of losing it and once again I would find my life so empty of the things I have always needed, that I should have had by right as a child but never got.

For the first time in my life I felt really guilty of being selfish as it was Carol who had cancer and not me and I knew I had to get out of my heads and thoughts of her dieing and make sure I was strong for her and make sure we held hands and fought together all the battles that lay ahead to ensure we have as much time together as possible.


Last night at 6pm two lovely young girls arrived at our home, they are Carol’s grandchildren and their grandfather is not by his choice a big part of their lives. The first thing they did when they got inside the back door was to come and find me and give me cuddles and tell me all about the parade they are taking part in today.

Their mum on leaving after she had dropped of the girls for the weekend with Carol and I said to me that the girls loved me so much and you get out what you put in. Yes in the case of Faith and Holly that seems to be so true and they have allowed me to fulfil and live my dreams and hopes I never gave up on. While I wish it could be like this with my own children and grandchildren I know I can’t ask anymore of those who make up for so much of what I have lost and what I see as a failure on my part to prevent happening what did happen to my own children.

So Dave being 50 years old will feel no different and its so good to hear you have plans and ambitions and things to aim for, but as you go through your 50’s don’t forget the real treasures are not those you can put into a bank, not those prized processions you may be able to afford to buy, but having people who truly love you for who you are and are always there when you need them.

Watch out for time speeding up once your past the 50 mark.
I'm just behind Dave R in the age stakes and a year now seems like six months! Frightening.
If you have the right attitude then 50 or even 60 isn't old but there are so many factors from genetics, good/bad fortune and most important your personal health and well being that determine the person you are and the person you become and when the years eventually out number the hairs on your head.
My advice keep as physically fit and avoid unnecessary stress for as long as you can and you will continue to feel younger than your birth date suggests.

With you on that one Loyal.

I'm supposed to be in Vietnam right now cycling the Ho Chi Minh trail to mark the big 50. However work postponed this folly/adventure til later in the year. Am i clutching at straws or trying to kid myself that i'm not "getting on a bit" as a colleague pointed out to me today! When i look in the mirror i can't help thinking 'bloody hell Dave you're more grey than a badgers arse". When did that happen? So a grade 2 and i can pretend it's skin colour showing thro.

Any other age defying tricks? ;D Merse, you must have a few

Dunno how that happened. It's tomorrow 8th March.