The Plainmoor Palladium was the venue for the latest performance of the long running farce which is threatening to stretch well past it's Summer Season. This weekend saw it take to the stage for the fifth consecutive time.
The Krankies ? Cannon & Ball ? Ken Dodd ?...well you were nearly right with that last guess as the comedy is provided by our very own version of the Diddymen...Buckle & North...and how tickled were the day trippers from Grimsby to return North with an easily gained three points.
Could it be that Bucks is even planning a part six to this remarkable drama,played out at Macclesfield next weekend after an overnight stay at Notty Ash.
It gives me no particular pleasure to recall that it was as early as 6th of August that I warned that PB would be 'found out' if he tried using his particular brand of 'management' at Football league level
but even I am amazed at what I am seeing now.
At one stage during the second half I surveyed the pitch & saw Hargreaves at left back, Carlise at right back, and Sills crossing the ball from wide on the right which little Williams jumped for but was unfortunately 2ft too short to get anywhere near it.
The least predictable event of the afternoon was the dropping of Wayne Carlisle to the bench, (the most predictable being that there would be no 'away' socks in stock when I tried to buy a pair from the Club shop after the match). At least I assumed Carlisle wasn't out there...I remember an old friend saying he could never understand why the police allowed people to have beards as they were a partial disguise and a big help to criminals.
As the afternoon wore on we did indeed get to see the now beardless Wayno. My personal theory is that he has lent the beard to Buckle who might have to don it if he hopes to get out of Plainmoor without being lynched should the current sorry saga of defeats continue.
Let's get the one positive aspect of the afternoon dealt with straight away. The first half performance by Mark Ellis was immense. The lad was clearly hyped up for the game from the very first minute,being well aware that if it wasn't for injuries to others he wouldn't be getting a sniff at a first team shirt.
Judging by the pre season friendlies I saw he hadn't helped his cause by a) being outjumped by a Tiverton forward for their winning goal at Ladysmead & b) being cleverly turned & left for dead by Jo Kuffour in the build up to Bristol Rovers third goal.
However, putting that aside, Ellis put in as good a 45 minute display as I can remember from anyone in a Torquay shirt for quite a while. That's not to suggest he did anything wrong in the second half, but only to emphasise just how exceptional he was in the first period.
Red booted Williams got involved in several of our early moves. His efforts were met with limited success in the first half and unfortunately his game fell away even further as the match went on. Whether this was in any way connected with the Pop Sides special brand of 'encouragement' used to let certain players who are not performing to quite the level hoped for that they need to 'up' their game is open to debate.
Our attempts at launching attacks centred mostly around the old favourite of hitting it long into the channels. This would come either directly from a Poke downfield punt or be left to Nicky Wroe.
Robertson & Todd, not being big on finesse, tend to favour the first time whacked clearance,which by it's nature is a little erractic and can end up anywhere. Therefore last season when we wanted to hit the channels the task was given to Steve Woods (no..and before you ask I can't manage a whole match report without mentioning him). With Charnock & Hodges injured we therefore currently lack anyone who can play central defence & also display an ounce of composure. Consequently we designate Nicky Wroe to be a deep lying midfielder with the task of hitting these balls into the channels. He can do that quite well, but of course the other side of the coin is that we won't see him playing clever one twos with Danny Stevens on the edge of the oppositions area, as we witnessed for our first goal of the Season if he spends so much of the game in a far deeper role.
The channel balls are too little effect in any case as Rendell seems to be enjoying life as a Torquay forward about as much as Matt Green & Blair Sturrock did before salvation came their way.
H.T 0-0
Jenny announces that the 50/50 is worth in excess of £400, and the lucky holder of ticket number 18069 comes forward to collect her prize. Her name is Emily and from my view on the Pop side she appeared to be about eight. When quizzed by Jenny as to how she intends using her winnings young Emily informs us...'Dunno'.
Second Half
The first Grimsby goal..I blame no one ! Nicho wasn't going to let his opponent beat him & he got a good boot to the ball & hit it skywards. A more than adequate alternative to letting the forward skin you. As (bad) luck would have it on it's downward trajectory the ball made a bee line for our goal. Poke trying to combine back peddling with keeping an eye on the ball, while also trying to figure exactly where the goal is & if he was about to run into a post couldn't keep it out. Much better keepers have been beaten from far greater distances in this sort of incident so I chalk that one down to sheer bad luck.
Delight among the surprisingly large contingent of Mariners who sense that the long journey is going to prove worthwhile after all.
They spend the rest of the match treating us to choruses of 'We only sing when we're fishing' & the slightly less appealing 'We p*ss on your fish'
The Mariners hole us below the water line for the second time with a clever free kick routine. On the pretence that the ball is going to be arced into the area by the right footed player, he runs over the ball thereby allowing his left footed team mate to dispatch the ball around the outside of the wall & into the corner of the net. The Mariners might have all the fish but it was now clear that Buckle & his team had had their chips (sorry,couldn't resist ;D)
A further period of clueless play followed, intermingled with some weird & wonderful substitutions courtesy of the Diddymen in the home technical area.
Th P.A crackles into life..." the fourth official has indicated there wil be a minimum of three minutes time added on".....to which one wag near me loudly proclaims... "Can't you take off three minutes instead so we can all **** off early"
...& so the faithfull troop out of Plainmoor, some wishing old favourites were back on the playing staff & others pondering whether it isn't the Coaching side of things that needs a major shake up.
Well I'm sure I could be more competent at one job than the other ........................ "but which one?" you might ask. 
