Thinking of Someone Special

an excellent choice Dave!! sentiments and words understood but I was more of a NEW Seeker ;D

Best wishes Dave, I'm only down the road if you need anything.

Sorry Dave. I am here as are we all. Prayers that Carol get better.

Thoughts are with you both mate, like Chelston said " only down the road if you need anything".

we are all hoping and praying for her. give her our love

Don’t worry the TFF is going nowhere and I would like to apologise for the post I made around lunchtime. I will write this in the only way I know how and the way I always write and that is from the heart.

The TFF has been a very big part of my life for three years nearly and I have given it every second I have had spare in my life. Sadly I have not been able to be a part of it since Saturday and yes I will admit that due to How I’m feeling right now, I was a bit disappointed the forum has become far to quite. There are a few people who want nothing more then the TFF to fall over and die and I certainly don’t want that to happen to something I just happened to believe that at its very best, must be nearly the best.

After holding Carols hand for over nine years since we first learned she had cancer, the last four months have been very heartbreaking for me. To watch such a beautiful lady go from nine and a half stone in weight to five and a half stone has been the hardest thing I have ever had to deal while still having to keep believing and keep holding her hand so together we can carry on this relentless and never ending fight.

Unable to eat since last November, Carol has somehow kept going on a liquid diet in the hope the chemo will one day do its job and she once again will be able to eat some solid food. Last Thursday she was unable to keep any fluid down and by Saturday morning her vital organs were very close to giving up.

Thanks to the wonderful care she is being given she has been now stabilized and is sitting up in bed and tonight she was taken of the drip she has been on since Saturday and took her first drink and also had a very small bowl of ice-cream. It’s a start and now we need to try and get her a bit stronger so we can get the chemo started again. She still needs morphine and anti sickness drugs pumped into her, but in time we hope the doses can be reduced.

Its been hard enough having to deal with everything and the matter has been made far worse by so called caring family members who think they know best. I have been very angry to learn that after seeing Carol in hospital on Sunday when she did look like death warmed up. Secret meetings have taken place without mine or Carol’s knowledge about Carol going into Rowcroft.

They may have written her off on Sunday but not I, they know nothing about dealing, coping and fighting cancer, but Carol and I do. Together we are going to get her strong enough to come home and then restart the fight; it’s all we know how to do.

I came home this afternoon and was told how certain family members were going to monitor carol when she came home and if they thought she had gone down hill a bit, secretly phone the hospital behind Carols back and get the hospital to contact her pretending they were just checking up on her.

Yes they may be well meaning and feel they now want a part to play in the fight, but Carol deserves respect and to do such things behind her back and without her or mine knowledge is something that is just not going to be allowed to happen. As her husband I have a duty to ensure her wishes and what she wants happens, even if that is not what others might want for her.

Everything that has happened over the last nine years Carol and I have always talked fully through, we then have jointly made what we believe are the right decisions for Carol and that is how its going to stay.

I have been Carols protector for nearly nineteen years, she needs my protection even more than ever now and I find it such a shame, that I’m now seen as public enemy number one by a few of her family members, who feel they have some right to start talking over Carols life and making decisions for her. She is of sound mind, (maybe not body) and has a right to carry on making her own decisions that have to be respected by everyone and that also includes me.

I’m still going to work each day and getting finished early enough to get to be with Carol in the afternoon. I then go home and sort the house before going back to the hospital for the evening at 6pm. Its nothing I can’t handle or feel I have any need to complain about, but I am a bit worn out, maybe a bit low in myself and I just let my disappointment the forum was so quite get to me.

We all have busy lives and not always the time to write posts, so my outburst was out of order and for that I’m truly sorry

Dave